I saw an add for Hamilton singalog. You love that musical. I remember watching you sing. God you were so amazing. Do you know how awesome you are? Funny, smart, sensitive.
It was so impossible not to fall for you. I wish I knew if you felt the same. Probably not.
We are from different universes. I’m boring and intense, you are the center of the party.
It would have never work. You are out of my league. Maybe you figured it out. Maybe that’s why you took a step away.
I just wish you told me.
I feel like an idiot. How could I open myself up like that to a stranger. I was foolish, thinking I know everything there is to know about relationships.
The plan was to date a lot. To have so much meaningless sex with men I forget their names.
Love? Being intimate? Hurt? Broken?
Nope that was not the plan.
You weren’t supposed to open this world to me.
Its been almost 6 months since I saw you. Why can’t I get you out of my head??
Are you still there? Do you even remember me? Are you thinking about our nights? Our dance? Our conversations? Do you remember how you laid you head on my legs, you were so lost and small. Did it meant anything for you? Or was it just in my fucked up mind?
Is she there for you like that?
Do you remember how you held me when I had to go in the morning. You refuse to let me go. Do you remember how you asked me to stay.
And then you just turned around on me. Barely answering my texts. Never looking me up. You were gone. And I was here. Waiting for you to come back.
You never did John. You
You weren’t the one who blocked my number, but you were the one who blocked me out. I needed you. I wanted you but you were never there.
And it is all my fault. You told me you couldn’t be there for me. I knew what you were dealing with. I knew John. And I still couldn’t help myself. You were like this star, like this force field I was so drown to you. And I was drowning in it.
I knew it was me. I was in the wrong. You were clear all along and my fucked up feelings were in the way. And it made me feel like such a screw up.
I don’t ever want to love again like this. Or in any way again. You broke me. When I thought you put me together you smashed me into smaller pieces and I’m done. I’m just done.
wonder Land 