wrote on a new site for a while. I just felt so different from the person I became.
but that doesn’t mean I can just forget the old me and erase it.
I don’t really know how to combine the two sites, the two parts of me. but I am going to try, with this one as main.
Sometimes I really hate facebook.
I hate that window I have to other people’s life. I hate feeling like if I am “behind” others, Like I am not enough. I am completely aware that the problem is with me, with my perspective on the world. but still, I am behind.
You could always hear me claim that I don’t want a boyfriend. and I don’t! except I do. I always blow off dates or over analyze every man that approach me. and I am telling myself that i can’t have anyone controling me, I want to be on my own, I don’t need a guy to learn how to play guitar or to travel with me around the world- I don’t need a man.
but that does not mean I don’t want one.
I miss sex. I miss that feeling you get when you keep thinking about him, the way he hold your hand and that stupid smile you can’t shake. It’s like your life have a new meaning to it – and that is so terrifying!
I am a walking contradiction. I am against marriage, and yet I have my wedding planned out. I don’t do dating, but I do want a boyfriend.
I can not do this anymore. I can’t be this independant feminist woman and value myself according to my relationship status.
I am going away. taking a trip to italy- all by myself. the true is- I am scared. but I am also independant and a very strong young woman.
at least I want to be
What is wrong with me? why am I like this?
I am such a freak. and everyone know it.