Still Single

So tomorrow is this day in Israel that is very similar to Valentines day. I suppose this is just another scheme by the flower shops and chocolate and stupid teddy bears. why this day even exists? why do we need one more day to receive gifts that all their worth is to convince ourself that we loved? it is just fucked up. why do we let the big corporations control our life like that? we are just stupid monkeys that follow shiny things all the time, never stopping to think.

yep I am still single.

I use to be so lost, I just did what everyone else were doing- I graduated from high school, did my mandatory military service  and afterwords headed to college like a good little poppet. that what was expected of me. I never really felt in control, never really had concrete dreams about the future. fuck, I almost committed suicide six years ago. but then I found it! for the past few months I finally got a direction, I am heading places I know where I want to be, who I want to be. I suppose to be thrilled, right?

well, I am not.

he likes Harry Potter just as much as I do. and he watches the same shows and reads the same books. and sometimes there were silence, but it was never awkward. I am not upset about it- how could I? we only went out on two dates, the longest dates I have ever been on. we were only together for one weekend. he is just a stranger to me, that is all. one that I am not going to get to know better.

I believe the worst thing about it is that we just stopped talking, there was no big fight or disappointment,  to me he is still the almost perfect guy that is a brilliant kisser, plays guitar and love history-related TV-shows. I have to let him go, that image of him is just wrong- he ghosted me out the minute his exams started, and yes I know I can text him to but it has been so long, and what if he moved, god why he never unfriended me in Facebook?

I am independent, strong woman. I am working in my dream job right now, well I work with the people in my dream job- but I am very close to it! I am feminist, that does not feel lonely and sad because she is lonely and just sad.

 

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