Old Shrew

When I was a kid there was this game.  in this game the teacher choose five girls to stand in line in front of the class. then she called for four boys in turns to pick a girl for pretense marriage. the husband-less ten years old girl is the new “Old Shrew” the kids use to yell it at the top of their voices “Old Shrew, Old Shrew you will never be married and you will be alone”

somehow- that girl was always me.

I have no idea what the teacher thought to herself with this game. as on adult and a teacher myself- I call it abuse and neglect. but that does not change the fact that I can still hear them, every time I mess things up with a guy. after every break up and every wait. I am fucked up. I am truly am.

At times it really hits me, you know? why can’t I just be normal. why do I have to be this Introvert mess? but I promised myself. when I run away to Europe for a month- I will never let other people decide for me. no one is going to tell me what I am and what my problems are. only I get to decide if I am fucked up- nobody else have the right for that.

no one.

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