Fuck, I am really starting to like this guy. and he want to sleep with me, I am frustrating him so much. he will never say it because he is a gentleman, but I just know it.

and its not that I don’t want him. I am. I really do! but I can’t help it. I am scared to let him in. to let him get to know me at that level. the idea of opening up to him just freaking me out.

the last time I have been with a man with a deeper level of feelings- the guy went mental. he was sick and was admitted to the psychological ward at the hospital. when I know for a fact that this guy is sane, what if there are other things? what if we just won’t work out a few weeks from now? he is thinking about taking a trip, what if he meet a beautiful girl overseas?

But I want him. I really do. and I am so sick of acting like a 16 years old virgin in front of him. this stupid fear is breaking this for me.

how am I suppose to speak with him about this stuff?


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